Tragic Tragedies

I think I sprained my hand.

The thought of not being able to knit depresses me. I suppose it's lucky that it's my left hand, since I am right handed, but still. I rely on knitting to soothe me when I panic and pick me up when I feel like things get to be too much for me. Anyone familiar with me knows that I have crazy psychotic parents that were hyper-critical of their over-achieving daughter. I got grounded for getting a C in calculus - when I was a junior and high school and a whopping 17 years old. It was the first C I'd ever gotten in my life, a tragic black mark on my 4.2 gpa. To a certain extent, I've internalized that critical voice that tells me I haven't worked hard enough, haven't tried hard enough, haven't done enough, to achieve what I want to do. Intellectually, I know that the voice is wrong. Emotionally, it's enough to stop me from trying just so I don't fail.

Knitting gets me through those moments. I love being able pick up a pair of needles and some yarn and create things almost out of nothing. It reminds me that I can achieve things, and create things that no one can take away from me. I guess that's why I'm so strangely fearless with my knitting. Lace Vogue dress pattern? Hell yes, let's do that in 6 months! Why? In an emotionally immature way, I'm still rebelling, proving that I can because sometimes I believe that I can't.

I realize that there's some step past this, but I haven't a clue what it is. Before, I knew I had to learn to think for myself, make my own decisions and fail. But what do you do after? Is it like knitting, where you mess up, frog, and start over? And how do I do that without knitting?

I'm a little tea pot....

Well, actually, I bought one at target this weekend. It's adorable, it's part of those stacked tea pot and tea cup sets. I'm in love with it, mostly because it's microwaveable. Tea may be an old world comfort, but being able to heat water to boiling point in the microwave rocks. No more waiting 15 minutes for a cup of tea to finish boiling and brewing!

This, of course, has inspired me to knit a tea cosy. In doing so, I have discovered not only my faux brittish heritage, but the fact that I suck at reading cable charts. Thankfully, tea cosies are easy to make, and cable patterns are equally easy to fake. There are some absolutely adorable ones out there. My personal favorite was this gorgeous pastoral scene that someone had needle-felted. Atleast, I had the sense to realize this was way over my head.

As it stands, my tea cosy is half made, from leftover scraps of superwash wool. Which, I like, since I know it will get wet and dirty. The ability to throw it in the washing machine will make it quite, quite useful. And maybe, if I get really ambitious, I'll felt or full one of my own.

Obsessions....

All the girls at knitting club know this: I have a strange obsession with felting anything NOT wool. Alpaca currently is my favorite. However, I swatched yesterday, and oh dear god. Angora felts beautifully! It might have been the freedom spirit held together with the conejo yarn, that made it shrink so well, I don't care. But the angora halo made up for all the wool scratchiness. It was so yummy soft, that I'm contemplating using the rest of my scrap angora (I know, luxury fibers should not be scraps.) as the hat band in my newest cloache. I do have sad news about my latest cloache - it's lost somewhere in Detroit. May it find a happy home. Damn flights and tired brains that make me forget things, like my own hat in an airport.

So, to make up for it, I'm going to make another one. Of course. That's the beauty of making your own things... you can always make another. I'm resolved to use all my scrap yarn, however, mostly because I have a frightening amount of scrap. My scrap laceweight multiplies like f'ing tribbles. I have yet to run out of yarn for a project actually. Knock on wood, right? But I keep having substantial amounts of yarn left over from lace projects. How substantial? Enough to make other projects that are "supposed" to take up 100+ yds. Like fingerless gloves, and crocheted chokers. Grrr. It's getting a little ridiculous. I am trying to be a good knitter, however, my stash just won't go away. Take the Fit for a Boyfriend hat. It's *supposed* to use up a full ball of yarn. Yeah right. I have enough left over from 2 balls of yarn to make another hat. ANOTHER HAT. How ridiculous is that? I find this incredibly irritating.

As for the hat, I really should use my left over alpaca, mostly because the brushed suri alpaca isn't enough to make the hat. Oops. Ask me how I know.

Socks are going well, boyfriend's hat just has two ends to weave in, and my knitpicks cables are in the mail. Knitting's going well, it's that small side business that's completely slowed down. I haven't felt the urge to sit and draw logos for a couple of hours. Maaaaybe tomorrow. I hope. But it's the wonderful boyfriend's birthday tomorrow, and I really want to spoil him. He makes it very hard to do that. He refuses to let me make him breakfast in bed. How silly is that?

Ambitions....

Knitting resolution for this year: write a pattern and submit it for publication. Contestants so far, the leaf scarf is nearly done. I was smart this time and took notes the whole way through. All I have left to do is the last leaf, its crochet edge, and block. I love angora by the way, it feels fantastic. The other contender is the raglan lace shrug. It's been in hibernation for a long while now, so we'll see.

My other ambitions which may or may not kill what's left of my sanity are to make my own dress to wear to graduation. That's right, I'm graduating college. One of the numbers from Avenue Q keeps playing in my head, the "I wish I could go back to college" song. Thankfully, grad school applications aren't due till march/april, but it's really time to start looking. Oops.

The other ambition this year is to knit a shawl for a friend for her wedding - namely 'cause I can't afford an expensive wedding present. Yay work-study salary!

Color me this...

So.

I lost the adorable cloache hat somewhere in Detroit over the christmas holidays. This sucks lots, I know, but I've been debating a new hat ever since. Except I can't make my mind up over a design. I'm rather fond of the snowflake tam except I don't have the right colors for it. I suppose I could trade with one of the girl for a blue-varigated yarn. I don't know. I have creamy alpaca in fingering weight. I have red varigated wool in sock, and burgundy tweed in alpaca. All of which would be around the right size. I want a colorwork pattern with roses, but I haven't found a free one on ravelry. I could be crazy... and WRITE ONE. that is one of the goals of the year, to write my own pattern... and submit it for publication. Hmm. But I'd have to get some green for stashing. Damn.

But I'm supposed to do a knit along of the sterling cloche with one of the girls. But that would mean I'd have to buy yarn.

Buy yarn, use stash. A classic knitter's delimna. What to do, what to do...